I'm realising, more than before, that as I get older even the little issues seem large. That life is as though it has been popped under a microscope. Perhaps this is because I'm finally in a relationship with a truly good person. And as a result I could feel safe to resolve my unresolved issues. However equally, it saddens me that my best friend, my life partner and the person I love the most is being hurt in the crossfire of my own internal battle. I'm fighting hard to push against my own (maladaptive) grain. Sometimes I nail it, other times I miss the nail so far that I hit my thumb. It aches, it's reactive with anger, it's frustrated at the failure and it is self destructive. I guess the important thing is that I'm trying, that I need to recognise the opportunity ahead. I have hope, a gift I've always had. I won't give up trying - and if I do, it's because I died doing it!